Sunday, January 15, 2012

Sunday Stealing: The Never Ending Meme, Part Two

Sunday Stealing: The Never Ending Meme, Part Two

Cheers to all of us thieves!

21. Did you go to your high school prom?
Yes. Although a few of my friends pressured me into it, otherwise I would not have gone.

22. Perfect time to wake up?
When I wake up.. I used to get up between 5:30 and 6:30 am to get online for SCW. I've been sleeping til 9:30 lately.

23. Perfect time to go to bed?
I normally go to sleep between midnight and 2 am. The time difference between me and SCW caused that.. I'd stay up late to say good morning and see her off to work, then sleep while she was working and wake up just before it was time for her to go home.

24. Do you use your queen right away in chess?
I'm not sure which is the queen... I don't play chess.

25. Ever been in a car accident?
Yes. But I wasn't IN the car.. I was run over by it.

26. Closer to mom or dad…or neither?
I've always been closer to my mom.

27. What age is this exciting life over for you?
Obviously I'm not psychic...

28. What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?
I don't think being a teen during ANY decade was easy. I'd choose to skip being a teen if I could.

29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?
I'd have to say the peep toe shoes I got for Dollie's wedding.

30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?
No, but I did have my high school jacket for a long time after I graduated.. I wonder whatever happened to it.

31. Were you in track and field?
Nope. I didn't participate in too many extra curricular school sanctioned activities.

32. Were you ever in a school talent show?
Weren't you listening? I just said I didn't do extra curriculars.

33. Have you ever written in a library book?
Yes.. but I don't remember why

34. Allergic to?
Stupidity, animals, watermelon and cantaloupe.

35. Favorite fruit?
I love most fruit, but if I have to pick only one, I'm going with strawberries.

Sunday Stealing: The Never Ending Meme, Part One

Thought I'd throw in a little fun thing today.. it can't all be bad here, right?

Sunday Stealing: The Never Ending Meme, Part One

Cheers to all of us thieves!


1. Song that always makes you sad?
Right now.. ALL of Adele's songs. She's got a wonderful voice, but I'm still tending to a broken heart. Also Conversations by Mutt (ft. Kevin King) , Between Two Lungs by Florence and the Machine (another awesome voice), Inner Smile and When We are Together by Texas make me sad, they hold special meaning for me.

2. Last thing you bought?
A bottle of water for my friend, and a candy bar for myself

3. Last person you argued with?
SCW, sort of... we never really 'argued' but it was always mostly her being pissed off at me for some dumb shit.

4. Do you put butter before putting the peanut butter on?
Just a tiny bit of butter. It makes the peanut butter somehow more creamier

5. One of your stuffed animals’ names as a kid?
Ben E. Bear

6. Did you ever at one time own a Barenaked Ladies CD?
Nope. I'm not even sure I've ever listened to them

7. Favorite day of the week?
Any day I don't have to take three buses to get to work

8. Favorite sundae topping?
Strawberries

9. Did you take piano lessons?
Nope, not one musically inclined bone in my body.

10. Most frequent song played?
I have to pick just one? Too hard to pick ONE that I play too much.

11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy?
Jersey Shore LOL I watch it with Baby Girl

12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey?
Hockey!

13. Date someone older or younger?
I'd like to date someone younger.. but not TOO much younger

14. One place you could travel right now?
I recently wanted to go to the Czech Republic, but no longer. Can I travel back in time instead? Say about 12 years or so?

15. Do you use umbrellas?
Sometimes, but I usually end up forgetting I had one and leave it behind.

16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem?
No

17. Favorite cheese?
Gouda

18. The Smith’s or The Cure?
Metallica. Or Florence and the Machine. Or Slipknot.

19. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?
Brunettes. I've had so much trouble with blondes.. usually they were butting in where they weren't wanted and interrupting any type of relationship I've ever had.

20. Best job you ever had?
Even though it was stressful and thankless, the IT job at the college was the best. It was close to home, I had so much freedom with my schedule and (for the most part) how I got things done. Too many drawbacks outweighed the good things.

99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall...



Ok.. before you all get yer panties in a bunch, I'm NOT advocating drunk driving. If you're going to drink, here are some suggestions for things you can do other than drive:
  • KEEP YOUR ASS HOME. Not only does this keep you from driving, but it's so much closer to stumble to your bed or couch when you finally do pass out.
  • Get a Designated Driver. Either a friend willing to watch you make a fool of yourself or arrange for a taxi to take you home.
  • Sleepover! If you cant stay home and drink, or don't have anyone to drive you around, do the next best thing and spend the night at someone else's house. Take some extra with you to share with them :D
/end Public Service Announcement

I have no problem with people that want to drink. I enjoy it myself. Although I will admit, lately it's more to dull the heartache I feel. Calm yer bits.. I know that's not the way to deal with things. I'm well aware of the dangers of falling into the bottle. Most of my family are alcoholics. My own mother has been through AA herself, only to find herself cracking open a cold one during the time shortly after her mother passed away. I let her know I was disappointed by that, but she's an adult. She's going to do what she's going to do no matter what anyone says or does. She's been good about it.. she's not drinking herself into oblivion or driving drunk.

Two weeks ago, I bought a 375ml bottle of Black Velvet for myself. Two weeks ago.. I've had some the past few days. Keep in mind, its not a huge bottle. So basically, only 8 or 9 shots.. depending on the size of your glass :D I've been using a 20 ounce coke bottle to mix my drinks.. meaning I'll get about 5 drinks of that size. Spread out over 4 days.. that's really not a lot. You could have knocked me over with a feather when Hub said "That's all you got left?!" after looking at my bottle that still has 2-3 shots worth of liquid left.

(Insert sudden sound of squealing brakes here)

Really?! This coming from a man that has no problem knocking back a 12 pack on any given day, sometimes multiple consecutive days? Excuse the fuck outta me?! Is he fucking serious?! I'm a grown person, capable of making my own choices. Yea, sometimes they are bad ones but still mine to make. Fucking hypocrite. I'm NOT drowning my sorrows, nor am I blaming anyone else for my drinking. I am fully aware that I am drinking, how much I am drinking and WHY. Unlike SOME people. Yes, its to help numb me for a little bit, but I've ALWAYS been a responsible drinker. Very few times in my life have found me so drunk I was barely aware of my surroundings. I don't like that.

This really aggravates me.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Time to turn the page...

Well, my online relationship with SCW finally fizzled out for good. So much has happened, and for a while I felt like I'd been left in a tailspin that I couldn't escape... I was feeling sorry for myself, but deep down I think I knew it wasn't going to work out the way I'd hoped it would. Knowing I was living a dream didn't make it hurt any less. My head and my heart were on completely different pages, leaving me on a roller coaster with very short upsides, and very deep and frequent downs. I truly did develop feelings for her.. and now she's gone from my life in the aspect of a 'relationship'. She wants to stay friends, and I'm willing to do that because I'd rather smile that we're friends than cry because that's all we'll ever be.

The past two years have been both the best and worst for me. My first instinct is to say that it was my fault I let my marriage fall apart, but in truth I'm not the only one that let it fall apart. I thought things were going well, until I looked at his damn phone. I don't know WHY I did it, but what's done is done and can't be undone. He said it was nothing, but his subsequent actions led me to lose hope that maybe I could actually be enough for him for the rest of our lives. Then about two months after I found out he was still 'doing nothing', I met SCW online. I wasn't looking for anything, it just happened. Two months after we met, we were inseparable for nearly a year and a half. Then she took a job that required her attention, yet allowed her to be logged in while working. I didn't mind that so much, but it took its toll on her. I think that's when she started to turn off her feelings for me because shortly after that she wanted to take a break and just be friends. It hurt a bit to know she wanted a break, but I agreed to it.. knowing there wasn't much I could do about it or for her. Being so far from her was one issue for us. another being that our 'exes' still lived with us. She wanted time to find peace for herself, to feel normal again. *sighs* I should have just left it all behind me at that point, but she didn't help matters by still acting as if she wanted to be with me online. Giving me hope that maybe we could have still had something.

I know it's stupid to think an online relationship could have gone anywhere. But I was so in love with her and in retrospect, I think I needed her more than she needed me but I chose to ignore it for far too long. It fell apart even more when one drunken night landed her with a new girlfriend. Well.. until she decided she really wanted to be with her Ex of quite a few years, stating that the Ex was her soul-mate and that she couldn't live without her. I was supportive of that, basically relaying my own thoughts and experiences to her from when I was trying to deal with Hub after his first time of cheating.

It didn't help. The Ex screwed up big time, causing SCW to be so disgusted with her and finally be done... leaving the door wide open for the new girl to step in. I know I shouldn't act like that towards the girl but I was jealous. Especially since SCW recently told me she's in love with her. Even after SCW said it probably wouldn't last. But once SCW said she was in love, that was it for me. That was enough to get me to finally let go of her. She doesn't deserve my love, especially if she's able to turn her own feelings on and off at the drop of a hat and fall in love randomly, probably going to make a future of it moving from one woman to the next to the next and so on.

I deserve better than that. So, its time to turn the page and start a new chapter in my life.
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