Ketchup

Hey everybodeee!

Just thought I'd pop in to let ya'll know that I talked to Hub, and he's been holding onto a lot of things since his father passed away 5 years ago. I know, it's no excuse, but we are going to try to fix it. We both realize that we had stopped communicating and that it's always going to be a problem for us. At least this time we recognized our pattern BEFORE anything else happened.

I told him he had to stop turning to other women, for this is the last straw for me. I told him I'd divorce him, without a doubt if he didnt stop texting her. I even had him send the text in front of me, and show me the text. And he's kept to his word. I've got a bit of work to do on myself, but don't we all?

Take care!

It's ALIIIIVE!!!

Slowly the door creaks open. A hand reaches in, searching for a light switch. The door opens farther, to reveal the silhouette of a woman. She's trying the switch, without luck. "Damn, the bulb must be burned out.", she whispers to herself. She coughs as she raises dust while clearing out the cobwebs. It's been too long since she's visited. She knows this.

And now she's here to try to bury a skeleton she thought was long disassembled.


For those of you still following this blog, I apologize. I notice my last entry was August 3, the same day I signed up for the virtual world of SecondLife (that topic is for another post). And a week before I got laid off from my last job. My lack of blogging here is a comination of keeping this blog secret, plain old laziness, and SecondLife.

If you're new to my blog, you'll have to read my history..

Let me go backwards in time, very quickly. Back in April, I did something somewhat stupid. I looked at Husband's cell phone for text messages. I don't know what possessed me to do it. But I did, and what's done is done and can't be undone. I found a text to a phone number NOT stored as a contact. It said "hey babe, whats up". I confronted him about it, asking why did he call her babe? "it's just a joke, i was just joking"

I didn't think it was very fucking funny.

I told him I'm not having it. That I WILL divorce him, without blinking an eye if I find out anything is going on. I cant mentally afford to go back down that dark path. I refuse. He apologized, and said he loves me and that nothing is going on. But I wasn't sure that I believed him.


Fast forward to this past Friday night...

I had to go out of town with Mom on Saturday, leaving her house at the asscrack of dawn. Since it would be easier to spend the night at her house, I asked her to give Stupid (husband) a ride to work as well as pick me up. Not a big deal. Until he called and said his phone fell out of his pocket into the back seat.

Don't look at me like that. Of course I looked at it. And found that he is still texting that number. Ever since I first looked at his phone back in April, he's been all cloak and dagger.

I know four things:

• * He keeps his phone close to him, nearly jumping out of his skin if I even get near his phone.
• * He clears all his incoming and outgoing messages. (I did have a quck chance to check that once)
  
• * That number is still not stored as a contact.
• * His last outgoing text was to that number.
  

If you follow me on Twitter, you know what I look like. I've checked, I don't have the words STUPID or BRAINDEAD or FLOORMAT written on my forehead. Do you see anything? I'm so very tempted to text that number. I have a great and wise friend, Cupcake. She helped me through the first Dark Time,and kept me from doing some really dumb shit. I've asked for her advice now, too.

I don't have that support system as close as I did back then.. It's still there, but it's harder to get a hold of her. Certain friends of mine would be quick to tell me to leave him. And I'm carefully comtemplating doing that. I'm not scared of being alone. I'm scared that I'm going to go nuts NOT knowing who it is that he's texting. Or WHY. I also hate being undecided, not knowing what to do.

Now if you can tell me that you think nothing is going on, then can you explain the need for the cloak and dagger shit? "Nothing going on" would not require so much secrecy. So, if you have access to cell phone searches that give you a name (without having to pay an arm and a leg) email me. I'll give you the number. I just want to know who it is.

For now...

Mute Monday - Eastern

Kawaii Not - the comic for cute gone bad

Mute Monday - Medical

I'm having a rough day. Son was on the computer last night, and now it wont completely boot properly. It gets so far, then freezes. I can see I'm going to have to perform some percussive surgery...

Mute Monday - Independence

Mute Monday - A Year in Pictures

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to!

Tomorrow is my 19 17th wedding anniversary. Hub has to work, so we're going to celebrate tonight.

I'm not feeling a celebration. I'm upset, pissed, lonely and confused. I hate feeling like this. Hub works at an establishment that offers adult financial entertainment. Sometimes he likes to go out after his shift for a "few" beers.

It's becoming obvious that our definitions of a "few" beers differs greatly. This doesn't happen often, but it does happen often enough that it bothers me. As I was getting ready for work this morning, I noticed he hadn't come home yet. I left around 7:15 AM. Apparently, he didn't get home until 8. I can see a talk is in order. However, I had to consult my wise guru-friend Cupcake. She is a very level-headed Vulcan, that can take the emotion out of any situation.

I hate this shit

Mute Monday - Vision (as in architectural)

Mobile Blogging - Workout

Had a good walk on the treadmill. Not sure if I'm going tomorrow. Definitely on Saturday - treadmill and weight machines.

Mobile Blogging - Up to here!

I've decided that I've had enough. I want a tattoo, and said I would got it when I lost 5% of my total weight. I've been hovering just under that mark. I'm going to the gym after work. Wish me luck!

Happy Birthday, Amorous Rocker!!

Happy Birthday!







Holy birthday cake, Batman!

Adventures in Nature

I went to my mom's house with my cousin BabyMaker this past Saturday. Mom had no idea I was coming to visit. We arrived at mom's, and found her just waking up from a nap. She was a bit confused to see me standing there in her living room. :)

It turned out to be a nice visit. Cousin took us for ice cream at DQ. I've been lacking inspiration as far as any jewelry making is concerned. I didn't get much done. Cousin made a pillow case for mom. Mom bossed us around, which is par for the course. After Cousin left, mom and I went to the market.

On the way back, she decided we needed to call for her cat named Bear. Bear is a sweet, timid little thing that has recently been allowed outside. Mom lives in the country, and already has one cat (Cheyenne) that knows the ins and outs of being a country cat. We stopped near a field, calling for Bear. I said "There's an orange ca... Oh! That's a fox!" So she says "Quick! Take a picture!" As I struggle with my stupid cell phone, we see a streak of white and tiger stripe dash away from the fox.

It was Cheyenne. She starts screaming, I start yelling for Cheyenne to run (like he knows WTF I'm saying) and I jump out of the car running after the cat and fox. Right into the woods. Bad idea for a city girl. As I'm tromping through the woods looking for her cat or the fox, I knock over small trees, get caught on prickers from God-knows-what plant, and get plant goop on me from what I think (hope) was milkweed. I finally came to a small clearing. As I'm standing there, trying to listen for the animals, I feel a thousand tiny pinpricks in my legs. I look down, and I'm COVERED IN MOSQUITOES!!! I felt like Agent Pleakley from Lilo & Stitch when he discovered that mosquitoes don't "nuzzle" with their noses!


Finally, after 45 minutes to an hour, the stupid cat starts meowing at us. But he won't come out of the brambly trees, and I sure as hell ain't going in after him. I can only imagine what I looked like as I walked out of the woods. Legs all scratched up, hair all wild, sweaty and itchy.

I hate going to the country.

Mute Monday - Texture

Hot

Rough

Smooth

Cool

Sticky

Crunchy

Soft

Satiny

Mute Monday - New York, New York

Things you might find in NYC, with the exception of the first image.




These images are all over the place, cuz that's the kind of tourist I am. All over the place.

TMI Tuesday #186

1. Which traits from your parents do you see in yourself?
From my father: A fierce stubborn streak. His wavy hair. My temper.
From my mother: My crafty skills. My brown hair color. My Native American ancestry.

2. Which traits from you/your partner do you see in your children (if you don't have kids, which would you like to see)?
Son is very laid back, and has his father's sense of humor. However, he does have that stubborn streak and temper like I have. He bears a strong resemblance to me and my mother.
Baby Girl looks like her father. Everything else is all me. 10 times over. Not a happy situation during certain times of the month... :D

3. How did you get the birds-and-bees talk?
My mother was very honest about everything.

4. What was your favorite childhood book?
I had several favorites. The Secret Garden and The Little House Collection are my top two.

5. What is your favorite piece of erotic literature?
All of it.

Bonus: What is the one thing you wish you could go back and tell yourself as a child?
Be more outgoing. Don't be so damned shy, and don't be so much like your father. Join the Marines. It'll be your only chance out of this armpit.

Double Bonus: If your life were a book or movie, what would the title be?
I can't use "Better Off Dead", it's already been used. At least that's a comedy. I think I could use "How to throw the best Pity Parties". It's how I feel most days lately.

Mute Monday - Spirits

Iroquois clans represent three main elements of nature.

Air

Snipe

Heron


Hawk



Water


Eel


Beaver


Turtle


Earth


Wolf


Deer


Bear

TMI Tuesday #185

1. Have you ever bought a membership to a porn site? If yes, what is the most recent one and did you like it?
Nope. I hate the popups.

2. Would you rather watch a erotic/porn movie, read a story, or listen to an audio? Why?
For the most part, I'd rather read an erotic story. It allows me to use my own imagination. I've watched porn, but it doesn't really do anything for me. I get bored watching it.

3. If you have a significant other what do you do for each other to get in the mood? If you don't what would you kind of thing could a future potential long term partner do to get you in the mood?
It's been so long since we've even tried to get in the mood. Damn, we're pathetic. In the past, I've worn sexy lingerie, worn nothing while giving him a full body massage, invited him into the shower.

4. When it comes to sex, how much do you talk about it with others? How comfortable are you talking about sex?
I think it depends who is with me. I'm very comfortable talking about sex with my female friends. Male friends, not so much. Mostly because my male friends are his friends.

5. What are the last 5 things you search for on Google (or another search engine)?
Wow, this is a random question :D I searched for this place where Son is going for a job interview, fonts, fertility symbols, woodburning designs and stuff for work.

Bonus: Have you ever had a fantasy that you were ashamed of?
I don't really think I've been ashamed of one. Not that I have that many. Right now, my fantasy is to just have sex. Let's start there.

Mute Monday - Guess the Place IMG HEAVY

People are dying to get in here. Just have to give me the name of it. Go ahead, Google it. I'll wait.

It's Forest Lawn Cemetary in Buffalo, NY.

(Edward) Cullen's Crypt?

The poor turtle I almost stepped on, because I thought it was a rock.

The Three Graces

Peter "Rabbit"

Jesse Ketchum

How ironic is this tombstone?! :D

I'm Rick James, Bitch!

Giuseppe Verdi

13th President - Millard Fillmore

Edward Hutchinson

Can't have Edward without Bella

Glad it's not Mee, but Yu...

A monument that looks like a tree stump

Volunteer Firefighter's Memorial

Blocher Memorial

Red Jacket

TMI Tuesday #184

1. Have you ever had angry sex?
Yes, once.

2. Pity sex?
Nope

3. "Oh well, I might as well" sex?
Yes, my first time was "I might as well". I had to know what all the excitement was about. It seemed like everyone but me had been having sex. I wasn't impressed.

4. One-of-you-knew-it-was-goodbye-and-the-other-didn't sex?
Yes. I was the one that didn't know.

5. Don't-remember-having-it sex?
I don't remember :D

6. Regret-it-afterward sex?
Yes. It was so horrible, I'm not even sure it could be considered sex. (see my bonus answer)

7. Can't-remember-his/her-name sex?
Nope.

8. Never-knew-his/her-name sex?
Nope. I'm too much of a prude for that type of sex.

Bonus: What was the worst single sexual experience of your life?
That would be the one time I had sex with D. I had a slight crush on him, and he was always trying to charm me. He convinced me to take a walk with him, and we wound up behind a school. We were making out like crazy, and he started fingering me (which was great). Apparently, only his fingers were nice and long, because his dick sure wasn't. It was so small. I was already in a half-squat because I was slightly taller than him, but it didn't really make a difference because he kept slipping out. I was so pissed.

Wedding, Fatties, and Book Club

Wedding
It doesn't seem as if it's been a month since Dollie's wedding. The hall she rented was about 5 miles north of East Jah-hunga. The owner of the place was a real bitch. She kept going on and on about traditional weddings, and what other people always do. Dollie and her Leprechaun are by no means traditional. Her wedding colors were red, white and black. Her bouquet had black roses.

The song she chose for the processional was "As the Cold Rain Falls" by Tiger Army. Her choice for the recessional was the Munsters theme song. Like I said, totally NOT traditional. All Dollie's choices really irked Hall Owner for some reason. All of us wanted to smack her and tell her to shut the hell up.

The rehearsal was on Thursday March 26. Friday the 27th was set aside for a day of rest and relaxation. Dollie got a hotel room, that included use of the spa (YES!) and a pool. That spa was sooo nice and hot! I wish I was sitting in it right now.

Even though our state doesn't allow for smoking indoors in public places, this room was a smoking-allowed room. The smokers loved it. They don't smoke inside their own houses, so that was a real treat for them. Unfortunately, when I did smoke I smoked inside. (bad Kiki! someone spank me! :D )

The wedding turned out beautifully, and we all looked great.


They are so happy. I tried so hard not to be jealous, because she got to marry her best friend. Hub said he wasn't attending the wedding because it was a dry wedding. Both Dollie and Lep are recovering addicts, so no booze for them at any shin-dig they throw.

I sent Hub a pic that I took with my camera phone, and said "this is me, missing you" because I hadn't seen him since the Wednesday before the wedding. His response - OIC. FUCK. Why do I let this kind of shit happen to me? I must be masochistic.


Fatties
I joined Weight Watchers the Wednesday before the wedding. Even with all the food I ate, I actually lost 3.8 pounds! Not bad for my first weigh-in. Week 3 was just under half that. Week 4 was even worse! Like the lady said, "Down is down." My total for 4 weeks is 5.6 pounds.

I've gotten myself back on track this past week. Baby Girl did a walk-a-thon yesterday for Kids Escaping Drugs. I did my own little walk-a-thon. I can't tell you where just yet, it would ruin next week's Mute Monday. I will say that I walked for a total of about 4 hours all together. Her walk was only 1 hour. :D


Book Club
Not really a book club, but it seems like it. "Members" include Dollie, me, Red, Sweetie, and KDog. All the members of the wedding party! We were all reading the Twilight series, even though I said I'd never read it. Curiosity got the better of me. I had to know why every pre-teen, teen, and their mothers were obsessing over this series.

What made it hard for us all to discuss elements of each book was the fact that not all of us were on the same book. Now, we're all finished. And we've all moved on to different books, without discussing anything further of Twilight.

Mute Monday - Clean

Friday 5 - Annoyance

1. What’s the most annoying sound in the world?
Right now, it is the sound of the phone ringing.

2. Which of other people’s mannerisms do you find very annoying?
I really can't stand it when people scuff their feet when they walk. One woman at my previous job did this constantly. She used to be rather large, and I think she wore the shoes she had before her weight-loss surgery. Scuffing feet drives me batshit.

3. What do you do that really annoys others?
Once I get really aggravated, if things aren't going the way I think they should I storm off to brood. Fuck the world.

4. In what way has your own behavior recently caused you annoyance?
Once I storm off to brood, I sometimes have to apologize.

5. Who’s the most annoying person you know?
My DNA Sponsor. We call him Captain Obvious. He says he's the smartest person he knows. Aside from me and my family, he's the ONLY person he knows. He never goes out, he farts, burps, and just fucking annoys me.

Late Weird Wednesday

I hate it when my days are "off".


Wednesday Weirdness #52
Questions By: Amorous Rocker

1.) What items (if any) do you get embarrassed to purchase?
Feminine Hygiene products. I don't know why.

2.) What sexual position do you and your partner/significant other use most?
Vanilla Missionary.

3.) Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off or do you slip them on and off?
It depends how lazy I feel. Most times I untie them, because I hate having to untie them to put them on and I hate trying to shove my foot in the shoe.

4.) What is the last thing you broke by accident?
The bed frame. We weren't even doing anything. I had just made the bed, and he laid down. I sat down on the edge, probably obviously too hard and the supports under the boxspring broke right in half.

5.) If you had to lose one of your body parts what would it be and why?
I think I could stand to lose a leg. I do too much with my hands, they assist me in my line of work. I also like to craft, and it would be a bit difficult to knit with my toes.

6.) How do you feel about anal sex?
LOVE IT.

7.) If you could have the ability to solve problems quickly and easily or the ability to know without doubt every time a person told a lie, which ability would you want and why?
Ooo, tough choice. I hate worrying about a person telling a lie. It causes me stress, and self-doubt. However, if I knew they were telling a lie, then I'd only worry about the best course of action. Still stressed. I think I'd have to choose the ability to solve problems. Solve the problem, no more stress. Yeah, I can live with that.

TMI Tuesday #183

1. Marriage and children aside, what has been your greatest accomplishment in life?
I'd have to say my greatest accomplishment is that I haven't killed Husband.

2. Aside from healthy and happy children, what is your greatest ambition for the future?
To be able to find a job where I am happy. (Anyone have a lead on anything that applies to IT and Criminal Justice?)

3. If we were to enter your real name in a search engine, what would we find?
A Wikipedia entry about a countess. Cool!

4. Who is the most famous person you ever met (not just in the same room as, but actually spoke with)?
No one. Damn, how sad is that?

5. Parents aside, who is your biggest hero?
I don't consider my parents heroes. Once upon a time, many, many moons ago I might have considered my mother to be a hero. But, not anymore. I'd have to say my friends Dollie, and Red.

6. Someone once worked out the sexual version of Six Degrees of Separation - Celebrity A slept with B, who slept with C, who slept with D, making as sort of connection between A and D. Are you connected to anyone famous through six or fewer bonks?
I'm not connected to anyone famous.

Mute Monday - Outrage

I'm actually posting on the right day! :D