Wow.

So Project Me hasn't exactly taken off like I said it would. It's SO much easier to not take that harsh look at myself and find out who I am. SCW said to me the other day "if you don't know who you are, then you're nobody". At the time, I agreed with that, because I don't feel like I know who I am anymore. I just float through the day and let the wind take me in whichever direction it happens to go.

I'm to the point of not knowing who's that Kiki that I had to read a wikihow on how to "be yourself". Yes, I'm THAT lame that I had to read something and reconfirm what SCW told me already, and what I already knew deep down inside myself but refused to listen.

My thoughts are still as jumbled and tangled as Christmas lights, but at least I'm not keeping it all in and making myself any sicker than I have been. I've read some awesome quotes, and one that I just read actually made me cry because it's the thing that I've been trying to figure out for awhile now.

"I don't miss him. I miss who I thought he was"- Unknown

WOW. Something so simple, yet so true. I'd been struggling with the feelings of missing something about Hub, or the way the marriage had been when I thought it was still somewhat good. After calming myself down, I felt... relieved. Like some of the weight had been taken off my shoulders. I feel like "YES! I CAN do this!" I know I have to stop looking to the past, otherwise I'm going to miss my future, even as scary as that thought is to me. How can I walk forward when my head it still turned, looking back over my shoulder?

I'll post another quote that I like. Not all of it is true for me at the moment (mostly the line about being good at being ME..) SCW seems to think that I go through life "posing for a camera that's not there" because I don't know who I am. I'm still 50/50 on that.

"I might not be someone's choice, but I am a great choice.
I may not be rich but I am valuable.
I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being ME.
I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, but I am proud of who I am today.
I may not be perfect but I don't need to be.
Take me as I am, or watch me as I walk away!"