Project Me

I've been depressed for far too long. My marriage is fucked, my online relationship lost its spark (probably forever) and I seem to have lost myself in the entire process. I've cried too many tears in the past few months. Probably more than when Hub cheated on me the first time.

Things between me and SCW haven't gotten any better. She thinks I don't care and that I'm not putting much effort into being just friends, and therefore havent put much effort into the relationship. She says she turned her life upside down for the past two years to be with me. As if I haven't done the same. True, her sleep schedule got totally fucked because she is six hours ahead of me and therefore her days and nights flipped, while mine pretty much stayed the same. But quite a few times, I've called off work because she asked me to. I've stayed up all night because she had to work a long shift, I've spent money on her in the game just because I'm like that. There's other things I wont go into here, but I think I seem to give til there's nothing left. Seems like the wrong ways, both in the game and RL, because if I was doing something right NONE of this would have ever have happened. I'd still be happily in love with my husband, completely oblivious to the fact of anything going on. But this line of thinking is taking me down the wrong path - again.

I've got to find myself and if you can all bear with me, I'll track some of my progress here. I'll admit it.. I'm scared to do this. But I NEED peace of mind and I'm the only one that can get it for me. I found a website that might help. It's things I already know to do, and SCW has already told me the same things a million times. I cant seem to let go of her, even though she's somewhat distancing herself from me, and hanging out with her other online ex. I should probably get the hint. All I know is that I'm tired of hurting, tired of crying and tired of feeling worthless.