It's ALIIIIVE!!!

Slowly the door creaks open. A hand reaches in, searching for a light switch. The door opens farther, to reveal the silhouette of a woman. She's trying the switch, without luck. "Damn, the bulb must be burned out.", she whispers to herself. She coughs as she raises dust while clearing out the cobwebs. It's been too long since she's visited. She knows this.

And now she's here to try to bury a skeleton she thought was long disassembled.


For those of you still following this blog, I apologize. I notice my last entry was August 3, the same day I signed up for the virtual world of SecondLife (that topic is for another post). And a week before I got laid off from my last job. My lack of blogging here is a comination of keeping this blog secret, plain old laziness, and SecondLife.

If you're new to my blog, you'll have to read my history..

Let me go backwards in time, very quickly. Back in April, I did something somewhat stupid. I looked at Husband's cell phone for text messages. I don't know what possessed me to do it. But I did, and what's done is done and can't be undone. I found a text to a phone number NOT stored as a contact. It said "hey babe, whats up". I confronted him about it, asking why did he call her babe? "it's just a joke, i was just joking"

I didn't think it was very fucking funny.

I told him I'm not having it. That I WILL divorce him, without blinking an eye if I find out anything is going on. I cant mentally afford to go back down that dark path. I refuse. He apologized, and said he loves me and that nothing is going on. But I wasn't sure that I believed him.


Fast forward to this past Friday night...

I had to go out of town with Mom on Saturday, leaving her house at the asscrack of dawn. Since it would be easier to spend the night at her house, I asked her to give Stupid (husband) a ride to work as well as pick me up. Not a big deal. Until he called and said his phone fell out of his pocket into the back seat.

Don't look at me like that. Of course I looked at it. And found that he is still texting that number. Ever since I first looked at his phone back in April, he's been all cloak and dagger.

I know four things:

• * He keeps his phone close to him, nearly jumping out of his skin if I even get near his phone.
• * He clears all his incoming and outgoing messages. (I did have a quck chance to check that once)
  
• * That number is still not stored as a contact.
• * His last outgoing text was to that number.
  

If you follow me on Twitter, you know what I look like. I've checked, I don't have the words STUPID or BRAINDEAD or FLOORMAT written on my forehead. Do you see anything? I'm so very tempted to text that number. I have a great and wise friend, Cupcake. She helped me through the first Dark Time,and kept me from doing some really dumb shit. I've asked for her advice now, too.

I don't have that support system as close as I did back then.. It's still there, but it's harder to get a hold of her. Certain friends of mine would be quick to tell me to leave him. And I'm carefully comtemplating doing that. I'm not scared of being alone. I'm scared that I'm going to go nuts NOT knowing who it is that he's texting. Or WHY. I also hate being undecided, not knowing what to do.

Now if you can tell me that you think nothing is going on, then can you explain the need for the cloak and dagger shit? "Nothing going on" would not require so much secrecy. So, if you have access to cell phone searches that give you a name (without having to pay an arm and a leg) email me. I'll give you the number. I just want to know who it is.

For now...